Monday, July 09, 2007

Guest Blogger: Jason Lowetz

This may be the best race report from Jason yet... you decide.

000_0102

Hola.

I stepped outside today wearing nothing but a pair of leather gloves.

I walked over to my neighbors house and said..."do you know who I am?".

The elderly women that answered the door replied "no....."

I said....."WRONG! ""Give me 60 dollars now!"

She said.. "no".

I said "FINE, I guess I'll just go win $60 at a bike race then!"

I then leaped into the air, spread my legs, and landed on the concrete floor doing the splits.

After that I got up and went back into my home. Got my bicycle and my spandex and rode off to Costa Mesa. I picked up brother Dan along the way.

I first raced the masters 30+ 1,2,3's along with world famous Bradley Galindo.

Loads of fun. I was near the front on the last lap until I was attacked by 7 white hornets. 4 of them stung me in the left ankle and the other 3 in the right eyeball. I closed my eyes and pedaled through the last 3 corners and finished 20th er sumthin. I dunno.

I then slammed on the brakes, as did Mr. Bradley Galindo, and headed back to the start line for the 3's race.

I needed $60 so I had to finish in 2nd place. Not 1st....not 3rd.....2nd. With about 5 to go I hopped on Danny's wheel as he was going to lead me to paradise. He done a great job, but I got ass plunged between two crackers on the last lap and lost Danny's wheel. Picture the scene in Titanic where Leo De Crappio vanished into the depths of the ocean. It was sort of like that I guess. BUT this time De Crappio was about 3 feet from the ocean floor when he decided to light the short fuse on a can of $60 woop ass. De Crappio came blasting out of the water with 2 corners to go. With one corner to go he duct taped 2 sparklers to his helmet, lit them, then sailed around the corner in 1st place. Remembering he HAD to get 2nd place he waited for somebody to go by then he got on the gas again and finished 2nd.

Recap

Mens Cat 3

2nd place

$60.

Thanks to Brother Dan, Danny, Freddie, Brad, Larry, and thy 2 or 3 or 4 other PAA manchines involved for looking so damn sexy and for keeping the race together.

Jaysus

out.

3 comments:

Alex said...

I think i saw chet bearclaw on my morning ride up verdugo today...

Kirk Rogers said...

Hey I don't want to hear anymore stories about a naked bike rider roaming the neighborhood. It just isn't right. If I am watching the Tour Le France and a naked guy comes to my door I going to hit him with a 2 X 4 and go back and watch the race.

That is my 2 cents.

Kirk

Lyle said...

Yeah, right... you'd invite him in to watch the Tour.