Guest Blogger: Jason Lowetz

(This is definitely the best race report I've ever seen! Take notes Velo News, because you need a man inside the peloton to break it down for your readers like this man right here! -Lyle)















Cat 4 Costa Mesa Crit:

It was like this.....

They asked us cat 4 riders to go to the line. So we went to the line.

I took some crack.

I tossed my water bottle off into the distance (about 175 yards)

Fella next to me asked me if I was Bret Favre. I told him no.

I also told him that I had glued my tires on this morning using Elmers glue. NOT the imitation Elmers glue you find at the 99 cent store..... but the real thing.

It was cool.

The race started.

I tried to perform a few solo breaks but my MC hammer pants and my leopard print cape seemed to be creating drag.

With about 10 laps to go I removed my handlebars and my front wheel and rode the next 8 laps doing a no handed wheelie.

I started getting bored so I put my handlebars and front wheel back on with 2 laps to go and let the field catch up.

On the last lap, just before corner 3, I was setting nicely in the top 5 or so. I took a quick glance over my left shoulder to see a swarm of cyclists charging hard on the left. So.... I went left and accelerated around corner 3 before they had a chance to turn me into pack fill. I got on the wheel of a couple fellas wearing yellow and another fella wearing pink. I believe I was sitting 4th er sumthin heading down the last straight into corner 4(thy last corner). The finishing straight was short thus i knew i had to be one of the first around that there corner. The pace was fast but not fast enough so I decided to jump and go outside. I was the first around the corner but I had chosen too big of a gear. There was a bit of a headwind.

To make matters worse.... my MC hammer pants got caught in my rear wheel and burst into flames.

I finished 2nd.

I was glad I didn't win.

I didn't feel like dealing with all of the fame that comes with winning. All of the attention. All of the questions. The urine testing. I don't need any of that. I'm into criterium racing because I'm into relaxation. Kicking back and taking it easy. Nature. For my $ it doesn't get any better than racing your bicycle around in squares with 100 or more others wearing nothing but a figure skating outfit and a helmet. Especially when those 100+ others skills and fitness levels range from 1 to 79.

Relaxing.

Until next time....

Stay away from school and stay on drugs.

Jason R. Lowetz

p.s. Only 7 months until thy cyclocross racing season begins. Come on down to Montrose Bike Shop and purchase a cyclocross bike. It makes sense.

(If this man looks familiar, it might be because you've seen him racing MTB and 'Cross in previous posts.)

Don't do this...

I was headed out for a road ride when I spotted Will and Larissa and a couple friends getting ready to leave for a Brown Mtn/El Prieto loop.

Rode home, grabbed my SS and spun like crazy to the trailhead.

Caught 'em on the way up and Will and I cruised down together, pausing occasionally to regroup.

When Will and I stopped at the bottom everyone showed up promptly except for one....

Apparently not tightening your skewers can result in catastrophic failure. Hmmmm.

Who knew.

Luckily Will spins wrenches for Helen's Cycles and was able to run "damage control" on the the above bicycle so that we could roll to the parking lot.

Will's the one on the left...

After this sweet loop I rocked out another ride up the 2 (Angeles Crest Hwy) and over Little/Big T (can never remember which??), stopped by Banner's place where I'm pretty sure he fed me... I think he needs a spot on my jersey "Fueled by Banner" or something!

Anyway, another sweet day of riding for the books.

Back to blogging!

I'm back to blogging! I had to get a new computer due to "technical difficulties" with my 2000 model, a sweet machine with Windows Millenium Edition and a "bunch of other stuff" as they say in the computer business.

Anyway, long story short: 600 bucks and a trip to Costco later and I am installing the software for my digital camera as we speak!

First off, I want to take this opportunity to congratulate John Davis on the fantastic weather in Ohio. This is what it looks like here:

Oh yeah, and I believe that is a plum tree

in bloom over to your left.... West Coast bee-otch!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, in addition to snapping pics and saving them up to heckle my East Coast friends I have been....

Riding with the PAA "Ladies Ride", guys were also welcome on this ride but I will still give a prize to whoever posts the funniest/most clever

comment alluding to me being a lady.

After the Ladies Ride I went to meet Banner for a little MTB action. Due to scheduling difficulties (I was late and Banner was going to wait if no one else showed up...) I found this note waiting for me at his house.

Of course, as soon as I read the note, in typical racer fashion I thought, "I am going to go so fast my tires will burst in to flames right about the time I fly past them BEFORE they even hit the trailhead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

After about 45 min. of all-out hammering, while I was walking my bike up the mountain, I had some time to ponder my condition and came to the inevitable conclusion that my tires were not actually on fire and that I was, in fact, "real late + slow".................humbling.

JL, Banner and Kelley (not in this pic) were kind enough to wait for me, and since I did my walking/pushing my bike in strategic locations they never actually saw me off the bike and I avoided complete humiliation.

Banner and JL are both local ride/race instigators and former (future?) MTB racers. JL is sportin' the Big Baller Numero Uno on his jersey if you look closely.

We had a good ride down and I stopped at Banner's house to eat his food before I headed home.